The Elder Care Cliff Expert

Love, Marriage & Caregiving: Should Your Parents Move-in With You If They Do Not Want To Go To Assisted Living?

Heidi turned the ringing alarm off. It was 6:00AM and time to get the kids off to school and then drive to her in-laws to provide care. Debbie, her mother in-law, is 75 years old and suffering with arthritis and she cannot lift the father in-law, Jim, out of bed or help him to the shower. It is important that Jim gets into the shower daily because he is incontinent of urine. This has been the daily routine since Jim’s stroke 3 years ago. At the end of the day, Heidi returns this time to get Jim ready for bed. Heidi’s husband is in the military and currently out of the country. He had made a promise not to put his dad in the nursing home and the dad had joked that if he did, he and the children would be CUT OUT OF THE WILL. Heidi is a family caregiver and there are approximately 65 million caregivers in this county facing these kinds of challenges.


#1 Consider in home care. There are 2 ways of doing this. You could hire a caregiver privately or your could hire an agency that will send in caregivers to provide the needed care. A private caregiver would cost about $15/hr and you will serve as the employer of the private caregiver. An agency would cost $18.00 to $25.00/hr and you take a chance of having multiple caregivers in one day because most agencies offer shifts of eight hours or less. To obtain a list of in- home care providers serving your contact your local area agency on aging or the local council on aging. You could also visit the national elder care locator at

#2. BATTLE THE URINE ODOR WITH the incontinence product brand called TRANQUILITY. The Tranquility brand of products is the solution to incontinence care. It blocks the odor of urine, it does not grow bacteria because it is made with polymers that neutralize the “ph” of urine and it does not leak. With a liner, a Tranquility undergarment holds almost half a gallon of urine and it does not feel wet to the person wearing it. Because of the need to change the undergarment less frequently, it is more affordable than most brands of disposable undergarments. Also, caregivers who use Tranquilty for their loved ones report that they sleep better because they DO NOT have to change their loved ones so frequently nor do they have to do laundry as often. Visit for more information.

#3. CONSULT WITH A GERIATRIC CARE MANAGER. A geriatric care manager is a trained professional who can help you determine your options for caregiving. The best places to look for geriatric care managers are the national association for professional geriatric care managers or the academy of certified care managers as well as the National Care Planning Council